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English jokes
Scris de Prospero Vin 15 Feb 2008 - 23:37
Just a topic in which we can write jokes that are mostly funny in English and don't do very well translated into Romanian.
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Re: Jokes
Scris de turturica Sam 16 Feb 2008 - 1:06
Wilfred had just learned his abc's and was very scared of doing them in front of the class. The teacher, though, told him that the best way to conquer his fears would be to just go ahead and do it.
So, trembling, he stood in front of the class and began: "ABCDEFGHIJLKMNOQRSTUVWXYZ."
"Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where's the P?
"It's running down my leg."
So, trembling, he stood in front of the class and began: "ABCDEFGHIJLKMNOQRSTUVWXYZ."
"Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where's the P?
"It's running down my leg."
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Re: Jokes
Scris de oltenashu Lun 18 Mai 2009 - 22:14
hahaha 
so funny. Let me try one, too:
There was once a king who got really tired of his court jester as this one used to make puns of every word he could put his mouth on (that's a language licence. Let the brits marvel
). Says the king:
- Jester, if I catch you making puns one more time, I'm going to hang you, old chap!!
- Don't worry your majesty, no noose is good news!
What do you think happenned? You guessed it, Jester got hanged!
so funny. Let me try one, too:There was once a king who got really tired of his court jester as this one used to make puns of every word he could put his mouth on (that's a language licence. Let the brits marvel
). Says the king:- Jester, if I catch you making puns one more time, I'm going to hang you, old chap!!
- Don't worry your majesty, no noose is good news!
What do you think happenned? You guessed it, Jester got hanged!
oltenashu- aliat
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Re: Jokes
Scris de Beauty Lun 18 Oct 2010 - 23:53
State-Of-The-Art Watch
A rather confident man, walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
"What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..."
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then, because I am wearing panties!"
And the man starts tapping on the watch face and says, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."
A rather confident man, walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
"What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..."
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then, because I am wearing panties!"
And the man starts tapping on the watch face and says, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."
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Re: Jokes
Scris de Administrator Joi 8 Ian 2015 - 20:09
Clever Dog
The manager of a small business puts a sign in the window:
“HELP WANTED. You must be a fast typist, have good computer skills and be
bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.”
A short time later, a dog goes up to the window, sees the sign and goes inside. The dog looks at the woman, wags his tail and starts pawing at the sign. The woman looks at the dog, and says, “I can’t hire you. The sign says you must be able to type.”
Immediately, the dog jumps down, goes to the typewriter and quickly types a perfect business letter. The woman is stunned, but says to the dog, “That was fantastic, but I’m sorry. The sign clearly says that you must have computer skills.”
In a flash, the dog goes to the computer and produces an Excel spreadsheet, a Power Point presentation, and a logo in Photoshop, and then prints them all for the woman. The woman is dumbfounded. She says to the dog, “Listen, I realise that you are a very
intelligent applicant and have fantastic talent, but you’re a dog! There’s no way I can hire you!”
The dog jumps down and goes to the sign in the window and points his paw at the words “Equal Opportunity Employer”. The woman says, “Yes, I know what the sign says. But the sign also says you have to be bilingual.” The dog looks the woman straight in the eye and says, “Meow.”
The manager of a small business puts a sign in the window:
“HELP WANTED. You must be a fast typist, have good computer skills and be
bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.”
A short time later, a dog goes up to the window, sees the sign and goes inside. The dog looks at the woman, wags his tail and starts pawing at the sign. The woman looks at the dog, and says, “I can’t hire you. The sign says you must be able to type.”
Immediately, the dog jumps down, goes to the typewriter and quickly types a perfect business letter. The woman is stunned, but says to the dog, “That was fantastic, but I’m sorry. The sign clearly says that you must have computer skills.”
In a flash, the dog goes to the computer and produces an Excel spreadsheet, a Power Point presentation, and a logo in Photoshop, and then prints them all for the woman. The woman is dumbfounded. She says to the dog, “Listen, I realise that you are a very
intelligent applicant and have fantastic talent, but you’re a dog! There’s no way I can hire you!”
The dog jumps down and goes to the sign in the window and points his paw at the words “Equal Opportunity Employer”. The woman says, “Yes, I know what the sign says. But the sign also says you have to be bilingual.” The dog looks the woman straight in the eye and says, “Meow.”
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Re: Jokes
Scris de Beauty Mier 20 Iul 2016 - 12:15
"Mom, where do tampons go?"
"Where the babies come from, darling."
"In a stork???!!!"
"Where the babies come from, darling."
"In a stork???!!!"
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Re: Jokes
Scris de basaru Sam 21 Oct 2017 - 20:12
"Am I the first man you have ever loved?" he said.
"Of course," she answered "Why do men always ask the same question?".
"Of course," she answered "Why do men always ask the same question?".
basaru- basarabean
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Re: Jokes
Scris de basaru Vin 11 Oct 2019 - 21:44
- How much do the potatoes cost?
- 2.50.
- And the bag?
- The bag is free.
- OK, give me the bag.
Ultima editare efectuata de catre basaru in Vin 11 Oct 2019 - 21:51, editata de 1 ori
basaru- basarabean
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Re: Jokes
Scris de basaru Vin 11 Oct 2019 - 21:45
A lovely little girl is entering class for the first time when a friendly little boy approaches her.
"My name's Ted," he says, "What's yours?"
"Happy Butt," the little girl replies.
"I'm going to tell the teacher on you for lying!" the boy shouts. He goes to the teacher and says that the little girl has lied to him about her name.
"What is your name?" asks the teacher.
"Happy Butt," says the little girl.
"No, no." the teacher says. "What is your real name?"
"Happy Butt," the little girl insists.
"Shame on you for lying," says the teacher. "You go straight to the principal's office right this minute!"
"Why are you here?" the principal asks.
"They think I'm lying when I tell them my name is Happy Butt," the little girl says.
"Your name can't be Happy Butt," the principal says. "I'm going to call your mother and straighten this out. You mustn't lie to us about your name."
The principal calls the mother and says, "We have your little girl here and she keeps telling us her name is 'Happy Butt.'"
"Oh," says the mother, "that's Gladys."
"Little girl," the principal says, "your mother says your name is Gladys."
The little girl says, "Happy Butt, Glad Ass, what's the difference?"
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Re: Jokes
Scris de tank Lun 8 Iun 2020 - 18:43
Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!
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Re: Jokes
Scris de tank Lun 8 Iun 2020 - 19:43
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.
So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?”
One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!”
So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?”
That’s about as far as I remember.
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Re: Jokes
Scris de tank Lun 8 Iun 2020 - 19:44
What do driving and dating have in common?
Both end up with you being chased by the police if you go too fast.
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Re: Jokes
Scris de tank Lun 8 Iun 2020 - 19:46
Men 1845: I just killed a buffalo.
Men 1952: I just fixed the roof.
Men 2020: I just shaved my legs.
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Re: Jokes
Scris de tank Lun 8 Iun 2020 - 19:48
What do you call a woman who always knows for sure where her husband is? A widow.
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Re: Jokes
Scris de tank Lun 8 Iun 2020 - 19:50
At a first date:
He: “I work with animals every day!”
She: “Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?”
He: “I’m a butcher.”
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Re: Jokes
Scris de tank Lun 8 Iun 2020 - 19:51
Be polite to every idiot you meet. He could be your boss tomorrow.
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